Been worried that the Wyoming Republican Party has gotten too liberal? Alas, somebody is doing something about it. The CROWs (Conservative Republicans of Wyoming) are coming to the rescue. CROW has a website (crowyoming.org) and has begun issuing hunting licenses for RINO’s. Not the African jungle kind. These RINOs are “Republicans in name only.” CROW has sited them wandering the halls of the legislature, dressed in GOP garb, but voting like liberal, godless Democrats.
RINOs have no principles according to CROW. But the CROWs have their own. Excuse my paraphrase…God is great, Man is not, government is bad, the family, only as defined by CROW, is more important than any individual, government exists only to fight wars, keep “those people” (my words) out and to protect life beginning, as determined by those who disdain science, at conception. CROW will assure laws are passed at the lowest common denominator, “a rigorously originalist interpretation of the United States Constitution” and prohibit government from doing anything for anyone that they should be doing for themselves.
And the one I find most darkly entertaining: “That the genius of Western Civilization, manifested by and through its enduring faith, principles and wisdom, inherited and refined through the long historical experience of successive generations, constitutes an unsurpassed spiritual, philosophical and cultural endowment that is worthy of defense and perpetuation.”
These rights are to be protected through “vigilance by an armed, informed, and involved citizenry.”
“Armed, informed, and involved.” I can’t get the image of Elmer Fudd out of my head. Elmer's hat, gun and signature catchphrase, "Be vewy vewy quiet, I'm hunting wabbits.” CROW is “hunting winos,” I mean RINOs. They are, as all hunters should be, very serious about it. From crowwyoming.org. “RINO Hunters: As a part of CROW’s mission to recruit and elect conservative Republican leaders, it may become necessary to identify liberal Republican officials for removal, either for purposes of rehabilitation or permanent retirement from any position of trust within the Republican Party.”
“Liberal Republican officials”? They’re about as plentiful on the Wyoming plains as Jackalopes. But, they will be found and removed. If they cannot be rehabilitated, they will be retired. Sounds like what happened to Khrushchev?
The CROWs website assures all “removals” will be conducted with “due process.” “CROW has amassed extensive documentation of Republican elected officials and Party officers who have deliberately undermined fellow Republicans, conservative legislation, and conservative principles in general.” You know who you are. Turn your self if you know what’s good for you.
If you want to become a CROW it’s not easy. “Membership in CROW is by invitation only, and contingent upon the completion of a signed affirmation of conservative understanding and intent.”
The CROWs seek to assure the purity of their membership. Before you get your decoder ring and learn the secret handshake, you’ll need at least three other CROWs to vouch for your conservative credentials. Even then you don’t receive your hooded robe until you are voted in at a secret meeting of the politburo.
Never fear. You can still participate in the RINO hunt. “CROW members and non-members alike are encouraged to submit their evidence of such things” i.e. RINOs in Elephant costumes. So if any of the fellow travelers have any dope on any of the traitors, submit it.
To paraphrase that great American Joe McCarthy (who was certainly not a RINO), “I have here in my hand a list of 205 . . . a list of names that were made known to CROW as being members of the RINO Party and who nevertheless are still working and shaping policy in the Wyoming state legislature.”
Like Looney Tunes, the GOP primary should be great fun to watch. The CROWs vs. The RINOs. Elmer vs. Buggs. "Oh, you dubbuh-cwossing winos! You tweachewous miscweants!"
For more information, a hunting license and your own Elmer Fudd hat, contact CROW at Conservative Republicans of Wyoming, P.O. Box 2684, Cheyenne, WY… zip code e-i-e-i-o.