"To tell the truth"

An old television game show “To Tell the Truth?” aired for six decades featuring a celebrity panel, occasionally including Johnny Carson, John Cameron Swayze, and Dick Van Dyke, attempting to identify the person named during the introduction. The plot thickened by the presence of two impostors.  They pretended to be the central character.

Panelists questioned all three. Impostors could lie. The central character promised "to tell the truth". After questioning, the panel attempted to identify which was telling the truth.

This edition of “To Tell the Truth” opens. Host Bud Collyer asks, "What is your name, please?" Repeating one another, each says, "My name is Mike Enzi."

Johnny Carson has the first question. “Contestant number 1, where do you live?” Response, “In the great state of Wyoming.” The question is repeated to Contestant number 2, “Ditto.” Contestant 3, “I live in Wyoming.”

Dick Van Dyke follows-up. “Can we assume you have a fishing license?”  The first two respond affirmatively. Number 3 pleads the 5^th Amendment refusing to answer on the grounds that it might incriminate the clerk who illegally sold her the fishing license.

John Cameron Swayze inquires, “Contestant number 1, are you running for public office?” The answer is “yes.” Same question to 2 and 3. The same “Yes.” He follows up, “Are you running against one another?” Contestant numbers 1 and 2 answer, “Yes, we are!” Contestant number 3 says, “No we are not.”

Carson addresses Contestant number 3. “Can you tell us who you are running against?” The reply, “I am running against that closeted Muslim socialist from Kenya, Barack Obama.”

Carson asks contestants 1 and 2 who they are running against? Contestant number 2 says, “The spawn of Darth Vader.” Contestant number 1 responds, “Myself.”

Swayze inquires, “To which political party do you belong contestant number 3?” The response, “The Tea Party.” Contestant number 1 replies, “Some call me a RINO, Republican In Name Only, but I am a member of the Republican Party who is just trying to burnish my credentials with the Tea Party.”

Asked the same question, Contestant number 3 says,  “The Grand Old Party.”

Dick Van Dyke asks, “Did you support Ted Cruz’s idea that the federal government should be shut down unless the Democrats agreed to repeal Obamacare, a law allowing people with preexisting medical conditions to buy insurance, a law allowing children without health insurance to remain on their parent’s policy through age 26, a law the Congressional Budget Office says will reduce the deficit?”

Contestants 1 and 3 answer, “Yes” and “Yes.” Contestant 1 adds, “Please make sure you tell the Tea Party folks back home.” Contestant number 2 says, “I agree with Jong McCain. It’s a bad idea. Some Republicans called it “dumb.” Shutting down the government is a reckless idea that could wreck the economy, throw people out of work, and destroy America’s international credit standing.”

Johnny Carson jumps in, this time dressed as “The Great Karnac.” Holding the envelope high above his head, Karnac asks, “Big Ben, Joe Namath and a candidate's campaign promises?” Contestant 1 says, “What’s a clock, a jock and a crock.” The other two nod in agreement.  

Van Dyke asks whether they agree with Fox News commentator Shawn Hannity when he said, “We need more Ted Cruzes in the Senate.” Number 1, “Yes, I joined Ted Cruz in his 21-hour charade, uh, I mean filibuster.” Number 2, “Egad, no.” Number 3, “To quote another great American, ‘You betcha.”

One last question; Swayze asks, “Did you invent something called the 80/20 rule to partner with Ted Kennedy to make significant progress on legislation?”

Contestant 3, “Never!” Number 2, “Yes I did.” Number 1, “Absolutely not.” (Swayze leans over to number 1 and says, “Remember the rules. You must tell the truth.”)

Contestant number 1 replies, “What’s a clock, a jock and a crock.”

Voters join host Collyer asking, “Will the real Mike Enzi please stand up?” Please! Wyoming and America need the real Mike Enzi, not another Ted Cruz.