George McGovern served in both houses of congress for more
than two decades. He was nominated for president in 1972, defeated when voters
elected Richard Nixon to a second term. Nixon soon became the only President to
resign in disgrace. Under President Kennedy, McGovern was the director of the
Food for Peace Program, distributing of American food surpluses to starving
people around the planet.
He earned a PhD in history and the Distinguished Flying
Cross for heroism as a World War II bomber pilot. His B-24 plane was named The Dakota Queen for the love of his
life, wife Eleanor. For all the celebrations and accomplishments of his 90
years on this earth, McGovern was tortured by a sense of personal failure.
Who knows when the demons actually begin to possess addicts.
But we know when they left McGovern’s daughter. It was a cold December night in
1994. Late in the evening the doorbell rang. Two men stood on the porch,
waiting with news parents of addicted children dread. “Senator,” one of the men
addressed McGovern with the title he held for life. “Senator, your daughter
Teresa is dead.”
Terry had stumbled intoxicated into a snow bank and froze to
death. Last weekend
father and daughter were reunited in a place that passes all understanding.
While
it’s tempting to remember George McGovern as a liberal icon, a politician and
educator of great accomplishment, his legacy as parent of a suffering child
should be upheld in a way that comforts all such parents with the knowledge that
they aren’t alone.
The
lesson McGovern offers parents is one of courage. After Terry’s death McGovern
determined to learn more about why. He embarked on the haunting task of reading
diaries written by a troubled daughter suffering from depression as well as
addiction. The diaries were filled with anger misplaced toward her parents.
McGovern read dozens of police reports of his daughter’s encounters with law
enforcement and medical records from the dozens of times Terry entered treatment
and detox.
Parents
never completely lose that guilt. George McGovern, for all his personal and
political courage, was no exception. However, the journey he took through his
daughter’s life afforded him an opportunity to learn what the parents of every
addict should know. He bravely went public with the lessons he learned.
Among
them, no one chooses to be an addict. Genetics plays a huge, unforgiving role.
Most addicts are hard wired for the disease. Their DNA betrays them, making
them more susceptible than others. Abuse of alcohol or other drugs re-wires the
brain. In a complicated process that science has unlocked there comes a point
when drinking and drug use become involuntary. Regardless of the negative
outcomes; e.g. arrest, imprisonment, loss of family, jobs and health, the addict
continues to use unless they encounter someone who makes a difference.
Like
most parents, McGovern eventually learned the cure is not simply loving your
child. Often that kind of love enables them to use more. Tough love, touted as
a strategy, often fails. McGovern and his wife used tough love when Terry
resumed drinking after eight years abstinent. On the advice of counselors
Terry’s parents distanced themselves from their daughter for the last six
months of her life. After her death, they were said to have regretted that
decision for the rest of their days. Tough love has the potential to change
lives when it works. It also carries the potential to doom the survivors to
decades of self-recrimination when it doesn’t.
What
George McGovern might like us to know is that addiction is neither the fault of
parents nor a character flaw of the addicted. It is a disease, a brain disease
and shouldn’t be condemned or stigmatized anymore than heart disease or cancer.
It can be treated and it should be treated medically as vigorously as any other
disease of the body.
When
you think of George McGovern, think of all who are affected by this disease and
say a prayer.
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